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Season
Of
Sadness
Written and Illustration By
Muhammad Abdullah Zafar
Daastan Publishing 2024
First Published in Pakistan by Daastan PVT LTD
House # A-41, Madni Street, Lala Rukh, Wah Cantt, Punjab 47040
Text copyrights © Muhammad Abdullah Zafar
Book Design copyright © Muhammad Abdullah Zafar
Edited by: Mariam Rizvi
The moral rights of the writer, illustrator and editor have been asserted.
All rights reserved
This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or distributed in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
ISBN 978-969-696-936-5
PREFACE
Growing up, I had these peculiar feelings that hit me every chilling season, so I was curious about why I felt this way. I used to believe that everyone felt like this in the winter, but to my acknowledgment, there wasn’t something odd in the air that cold weather brings with it. It’s called SD (seasonal depression). So, with the concept of SD, I came up with the idea for this book. As a music lover, I’ve been influenced by so many artists, which you can see as you go through the book, but the ultimate reason behind the title and the book itself is Lana Del Rey’s song “Summertime Sadness." I’ve always said to myself that since I got wintertime sadness, why not give the world my version? I’m not a singer, but I do write. I always think of a title before writing any poem, so I started thinking about what could’ve been the best title since wintertime sadness is obviously not going to work, so I came up with the title “Season of Sadness." I also added autumn to it because this season has something special about it. Something that feels like I’ve been missing my whole life. So I have to add it. The theme would be, as you’ve guessed, already divided into two parts: the first, Autumn, with a story of a wrong person's wrong time, and a little bit of the spice of falling into a toxic relationship. Autumn Portion is going to be about a person who’s been struggling with depression and anxiety and is looking for a savior but doesn’t know how to keep one. On the other hand, the winter portion is more about realization and acceptance. It’s about the right person, the wrong part with the spices of depression, but this time with a little bit of toxicity. As autumn has two relationships in it, so does winter, but in winter, one of them is a crush, which you admire as a hopeless romantic. As my debut book, I made it easy to read, and I went easy on the word count as well as on myself. This book is for those who love dark academia, autumn, winter, and fiction. I love metaphors, and you can see them in the book. They are not the best ones, but they will do the job. I hope you’ll enjoy.
Table of Contents
Now I’m feeling super high. Don’t stare at me; I’m feeling shy. Even though eyes have always been my favorites, they are the reason for self-hatred.
Messing up with things I love and seeing them burn down from above
Cussing because it feels cool, whole my life I’ve been living like a fool. My brother told me to be a man. I said I found a new group with Stan.
I don’t know how to dress properly; I’m dealing with insecurities. Now that I’m feeling idiotic and ugly, I need someone to make me feel snug.
Now I’m feeling worthless; I need a body that is heartless.
I realized screaming wouldn’t stop them from coming after me. They’ll haunt me until they can’t
When your demons are your friends, but your friends are far from being humans
I took these pages and wrote til you die, just to realize.
Not all stories have happy endings.
I’m not that smart; you can see it in my art.
Mama wants me to be a doctor. I said OK, Miss Selector.
Live has been giving me lemons; I’m tired of getting lessons.
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