The Love

I Have Had

by
Zaenub

Daastan Publishing 2026

First Published in Pakistan by Daastan PVT LTD

House # A-41, Madni Street, Lala Rukh, Wah Cantt, Punjab 47040

www.daastan.com

www.meraqissa.com

Text copyrights © Zaenub

Book Design Copyright © Aleena Khizran

Edited by: Maliha Zafar

The moral rights of the writer, illustrator, and editor have been asserted.

All rights reserved

This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or distributed in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

ISBN Print: 978-627-526-022-6

ISBN E-Book: 978-627-526-023-3

About the Author

Zaenub is a Pakistani writer and poet who weaves emotions into words, capturing the intricacies of love, loss, and self-growth with raw and heartfelt expression. With a deep passion for expression, her poetry reflects the depths of human emotion its essence, its pain, and the resilience that follows.

This debut collection is a testament to healing, strength, and the relentless pursuit of hope.

This book is dedicated to my best friend Ayesha, whose unwavering faith in true love has taught me to persevere despite bygone disillusionments. It is because of her that the romantic in me continues to dream and believe.

Chapters

Chapter One

The Love That Masqueraded Itself 1

Chapter Two

The Love In The Pivot Of Hell 28

Chapter Three

The Love That Withered Me. 63

Chapter Four

The Love That I Revere. 92

Chapter One

The Love
That Masqueraded Itself

Love, to me, is a dark, reckoning force

Which would engulf you whole

If you meddled in ways you’re not supposed to.

Yet it is beautiful, pleasing, calming, deep

All set to devour you

In unimaginable ways

If dealt with pleasantly.

Love, to me, is like waves crashing onto the shore,

Traveling from afar for a time unknown,

And then finally crashing down on the rocks,

Reaching home.

Met you amidst the worst days of my life,

And you took all my pain away

So magically,

So beautifully.

I owe you my happiness,

My regained self-esteem,

My peace,

And most importantly,

The breaths I draw,

The future I see ahead of me.

You’ve cushioned me in such a perfect manner,

I feel at home,

I feel at ease.

With you,

I have begun to feel things

I haven’t been able to feel in years.

Warmth seeps into my perturbed heart.

You have made me feel

Like I have reached the home

I had long lost.

If it were possible to pause my life right here,

I’d freeze it just to hold you near.

I have begun to adore the life I see

With you in it, closer than ever to me.

Alongside you, I bloom a bit more;

I love myself like I have never before.

My days are brighter, filled with light

Sillier, funnier, crazier, and full of delight.

I love everything if I have you;

I’d hate everything if you were to bid adieu.

Nothing would ever make sense

If you got up and decided to leave.

My heart would break, ache, shatter, and grieve.

Lonelier and darker I would grow,

Like silent rivers that refuse to flow.

I like how your voice calms the storms I have always fought.

With you around, every broken part of my body feels whole.

My past and present, once battered, bruised, and tight,

Now rest in your solace, finally feeling right.

I don’t ever want to let go of you.
I want to hold onto you
As if my life depends on you
Because it does.
It truly does.
You are my refuge,
My peace,
My home,
My every “because.”

You are always playing on my mind
Like the melody I learned in my childhood
One that wraps me around gently, lovingly,
Making me feel safe,
Making me feel at home.
A lullaby that carries me
To a beautiful world of dreams,
A song which the universe hums and sings
To make me believe
A happy life is what I deserve to live.

We are two scared people,
Burnt by love,
Healed by whatever it is
That is between us.

If I decide to love you,

I hope you know

I would love your imperfections first,

Then would come your perfections.

I want to love you
More than I have ever loved anyone.
Unfortunately,
Love has always found a way
To break me.

I want to fall in love with you.
I want to love you
Without having to fear
Losing you one day.

My heart keeps telling me to step back,

Yet I keep treading toward you

Anchored in your pull,

Wanting nothing more

Than to simply be close to you.

When and if I let myself fall for you,

I hope you come running to catch me,

Your arms wide open,

Welcoming me.

And darling,

I hope I fall gently in your embrace,

Like a sacred wish come true,

Like the echo of a prayer

Finally heard.

Now that we have always lost in love,

Here we are, standing in front of each other,

Feeling things

Not knowing what to do with.

If we fall in love today,

May we never drift into distance.

May we wake up every day

Feeling very much in love,

Like we do today.

May we learn to cherish ourselves.

May we never learn to breathe

Without each other.

There’s something about you

Pulling me deeper

Into the depths of your aura.

I feel myself falling in love

Once again.

For everyone,

You might be just anyone.

But to me,

You’re my everyone

And the only one.

I like what you do to me;

You take away my ability to see.

With you willing to go